After I hiked out of the Canyon, I drove back to the sky domes to take a shower and sleep. It was the best shower of my life, no lie. And that nap–beautiful.

The next morning I was up early to make my way up to Washington to see Dave Matthews Band at the Gorge. I was so excited for this, the grand finale of my entire trip. This entire summer. Finish it off with Dave.

This post is going to be shameless, unapologetic love for Dave. And the band. Because I love them. An ode to Dave and Carter and Stefan and Tim and Rashawn and Buddy and Jeff.

I drive north through the park one more time. I hand the park ranger my National Parks pass and my ID.

“Oh, and welcome from Memphis! I was in a Broadway show there at the Orpheum, Guys and Dolls. Have you seen Memphis the Musical? It’s incredible. I hiked a bunch of the trails around the Wolf River down there. Really beautiful place.”

“Oh no way! That’s so cool. Hey, listen, real quick, I was rafting the Colorado for the past week and…”

“Oh wow! No wonder you’re so happy! You’re beaming! It was a great time, yeah?”

“It was so amazing. But I was on this trip with a lighting designer for Broadway!”

We continue talking for way longer than the people in the car behind me appreciated, I’m sure. But so many weird coincidences. And the rangers are so dang nice.

I drive through the park one last time, catch that incredible view. Then up through Utah, stay at Sundance for a night, then up to Washington. Two days of driving, but I made it. I was finally here to see Dave.

The Gorge is a treasured event for all DMB fans. People travel from everywhere. A three-day concert experience out in the middle-of-nowhere Washington on Labor Day Weekend. Yes, he plays all three nights. Full shows. All different songs. And all amazing. He’s been playing Labor Day Weekend at the Gorge for twenty-something years now. A bucket list item for me.

I have concert tickets for Sunday night, the last show. And a camping pass for the entire weekend. But I get in early Saturday, so I buy a ticket for that night too. And I’m happy I did.

I drive into the wildest campsite I’ve ever seen. Huge campers, tents everywhere, firedancers on everything, DMB flags flying, DMB music blaring throughout the campsite. I am among my people.

I get to my spot, set up a bit, then head into the concert. I have a seat this night, but pit tickets tomorrow, so I need to assess the situation. Celisse opens, followed by Eric Krasno. Celisse is amazing. And at the end of her set, she gives a very heartfelt thanks.

“When you’re an artist and you’re at a place like this, you post on TikTok and Instagram and I’m sure a lot of you are like ‘that’s bullshit,’ but I want to thank every one of you. From the bottom of my heart. Because each of you being here is part of my dream coming true.”

Damn, lady, you’re gonna make me cry. She gets a little choked up too.

Dave comes on at 8:00. And I’m pumped. An incredible, incredible show. And the absolute best part of the weekend was Celisse playing “All Along the Watchtower” with them. The best version of that I’ve ever seen them do.

After the show I head back to the campsite. It’s actually about two miles from the amphitheater, so a bit of a hike at 11:30 at night with an absolute ton of inebriated Dave fans. When I get back, it is a literal party. LED lights, people everywhere, and a band set up. Like legit band, amps, the whole thing. Until 3:00 am. Luckily I was tired enough to fall asleep.

I get up early and get in line at 8:00 am. I know the drill. Hardcore Dave fans get in line EARLY. You gotta get the best spot. Not that the show is terrible if you don’t, but it makes the whole thing sorta life changing when you’re where you want to be. I want to be on the rail. I did it the first time when I was 17 and haven’t been able to not do it since.

And it’s kinda fun, the camping out in line the day of the show. You meet so many people that are just as in love with Dave as you are. Everyone is nice and chill. Discussions about how many shows you’ve seen, have you been here all weekend?, what songs are you chasing?, what do you think he’ll open with?, what do you think he’ll close with?, did you see the show last night?

Apparently the last two days were a nightmare for people getting in. The DMB fan club, The Warehouse, has tickets for members. They are supposed to have priority. But they haven’t the past two days, and the Warehouse fans are ticked off by it. But now the venue has it figured out and has organized the lines better. And I know you think I’m a hardcore, crazy fan, but I’m not a member of the Warehouse. So the entire day is spent strategizing with Warehouse members the best way to get in and get my spot.

I make so many friends in line. A guy named Craig from LA is there when I get there at 8:00 am. He offers to let me chill on his blanket and eat the food out of his backpack while he goes and packs up his campsite and moves his car. When the line moves, I pick up his blanket and move it into his spot, while I move over to the Quick Access Line (the one you go through if you don’t have bags or lawn chairs or anything). At some point later in the day he comes over:

“Megannnn. Look, because you’re so awesome, we might have a Warehouse lawn ticket for you. You would be able to go in with Warehouse, but not with the pit. So you’d get in earlier than everyone else, except the Warehouse Pit ticket people.”

That is great Craig, and I am so grateful, and you guys are awesome, but after strategizing for hours, we have determined that my best chances are where I am. Also, I’m done trying to figure all this out. It feels so dumb. I pass on the ticket so someone else can take it, and take my chances on running in the line I’m in. I’m the first one in line, and am banking on us being able to go in when they let the Warehouse folks in.

We are correct in our assumptions, and as the Warehouse makes their way through the gates, we do too. I’m running, full-on sprinting, to the front of the stage. I get a good spot. It’s not on the rail, but it’s good. I get some new friends to hold my spot while I go get a drink. I see Craig. He gives me the most heartfelt fist pump I’ve ever seen from across the way.

“Megannnn!! I’m so happy for you!! Where are you?” I point over to my spot. “Enjoy the show!!!”

I get a ton of shit for liking Dave Matthews Band, I almost always have. Liking some weird, cliche 90s band you hear overplayed on the radio. Some corny joke. With the feel-good lyrics. I did like it when “What Would You Say” would come on the radio when I was a kid. I’d jam out to that in the backseat. And “Ants Marching,” another fun one. But I really became a fan in middle school. I love so much music, all different kinds. But Dave is my forever fave.

This feels so annoying– “I was going through a hard time and the music changed my life.” But in a lot of ways it did. It didn’t change my life. It just made me feel better. I was trying to find something to hold on to. Some horrible family things. Things that changed literally everything. We were all broken. And I was only thirteen. Already not the greatest time in life. And was finding my way out on my own. Trying to keep up appearances of being ok. Because my not being ok would give everyone else something else to be sad and angry and worried about. Or something to just brush aside because it was too much. I didn’t really want to find out.

The song “American Baby” came out in 2005. I constantly tried to catch it on the radio. One night I was listening in the shower and it came on. I jumped out, grabbed my OG flip phone, and recorded it so I could listen to it whenever I wanted. This was before music streaming, before I could just go and buy songs on itunes, before I even had an ipod. I just had the horrible little recording on my flip phone.

I bought the CD and was hooked. “Smooth Rider,” “Louisiana Bayou,” “Steady as We Go,” and still one of my all time favorites, “You Might Die Trying.”

To change the world
It starts with one step
However small
First step is hardest of all
Once you get to your gate
You will walk in tall
You said you never did
‘Cause you might die trying

‘Cause you might die trying
‘Cause you

If you give you begin to live
If you give you begin to live
You begin
You get the world

In high school, a friend let me borrow all of his parents’ DMB cds so I could put them on my ipod. I went deep.

It was strong, but still soft. Unique. Crazy drum beats, saxophone, violin. I liked his voice. Lyrics I loved that were simple enough, but powerful to my tiny little 16-17 year-old brain. Stuff I could get lost in in the grief I didn’t know how to handle, in the growing up that I couldn’t find my way through, in weird family dynamics, and things I was learning on my own. A hopefully better way to be.

It was weird and a little different and Dave was quirky. And you can’t tell me Carter isn’t one of the best drummers…ever. And Stefan was 16 when he started playing with them because he was good. And Rashawn and Jeff coming in after LeRoi passed away. And I would say Buddy took Boyd’s place when he was quietly kicked out, but he totally made his own place in the band, and I think the band is so much better with what he brings.

I saw my first show at Autozone Park when I was almost 18. I told my mom the next day it was the best day of my life. She thought I was being completely ridiculous. But I meant it.

There was a video going around social media of Dave singing and dancing to “Sledgehammer” and everyone said he was not ok, definitely on drugs, what is going on? But the comments from the DMB fans were “tell me you haven’t been to a Dave show without telling me you haven’t been to a Dave show.” He has fun. And gets into it. And I freaking love it.

And the strangest thing to try to describe is that they make me feel like me. They always have. I’ve listened to their music through some of both the worst and best moments, and while I think about those things, they’re not tied to those songs. I am. There are a ton of other songs that remind me of so many things, some I can’t listen to without an intense pain in my gut, some kind of stupid heartbreak. Others are good for a second and then I’m over it. But I can always find myself in their music. Somehow, always.

Don’t lose the dreams inside your head
They’ll only be there till you’re dead
Dream

He sang about things I wanted someone to feel with me and to talk with me about.

So much space to believe
Funny when you’re small
The moon follows the car
There’s no one but you see
Hey, the moon is chasing me

There’s not a moment to lose in the game
Don’t let the troubles in your head
Steal too much time, you’ll soon be dead
So play

All fall down
It won’t be so long now
Out of the darkness comes light like a flash
You think you can, you think you can
Sometimes that is the problem
Dream, little darling, dream

He doesn’t shy away from being political, saying what he thinks is right. Saying it in different ways. Saying things I was coming to realize about some of the absurdity of things.

The money is clean ’cause we scrub it good
With guns and gasoline we’re gonna save the world
Nothing’s obscene if we only close our eyes
Boys and girls welcome to this joyride

And I love seeing them live. It’s better than any studio album. When they all really get into a song. And the entire drum set is shaking, and Dave is dancing, and everyone is having the best time.

And sometimes they’re so damn good they melt my brain.

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain

I would listen to “Dancing Nancies” driving to football games in highschool.

Could I have been anyone other than me? Then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What’s the use in worrying, what’s the use in hurrying?
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

I am who I am, who I am well, who am I?
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Sing and dance, I’ll play for you tonight
The thrill of it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I’ll work it out then I

Look up at the sky

And I know you’re thinking “why the hell do you take so many concert videos? Who’s going to watch those ever again?” Me. I will. I would lay awake at night, camping in Joshua Tree or Zion, no wifi or cell service, unable to sleep, being swallowed by the quiet. And I would go back and watch all the videos from the other DMB shows I’ve been to. I’d realize after watching I had the biggest, dumbest smile across my face. It makes me so happy. Sometimes I do it at home. Sometimes there’s one or two that I really like and I’ll think about the way he played those songs that night and listen. They’re saved to my favorites folder on my phone so I can find them faster.

I would listen to “So Right” while speeding to get home by the time I told my mom I would be home.

I would sit and listen to “#34” on repeat in art class because Mr. Berlin was cool enough to let us listen to our ipods while we worked. This is the first time I’ve ever seen it live. No words, just an instrumental.

“You Might Die Trying” from one of their live albums on repeat running through the park some nights. Over and over and over.

And “#41”

I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to be here
But it’s coming to much more

Me
Come down, the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
Oh, what if they came down, crushing?

Why won’t you ever be glad?
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won’t you run
Into the rain and play?
And let tears splash all over you

I live to hear “Cornbread” at every concert I see. One of Dave’s crew guys, literally setting up the show before it started, came out for this one. Joe Lawler. And he had on a Beale Street Mojo t-shirt. I was so happy.

“Drive In Drive Out” was on every single mix CD I made for my car from high school through college. I’ve heard people say it’s their least favorite Dave song. I love it.

I hear more than I like to
So I boil my head in a sense of humor
I laugh at what I cannot change
And I throw it all on the pyre again
When I do this, I do it for you
When all that I want is so badly to be
By myself again
It’s going to drive me right out of my brain

Drive in drive out, I’m leaving
Drive in drive out, I’ll come back again
Drive in drive out I’m leaving
Drive in drive out

Sunday night was my tenth show. One guy I sat with Sunday was there for his fiftieth show. 50 SHOWS. Some people have been to hundreds. But I was pretty happy with my ten.

So you can make fun of me forever for liking Dave. You can think I’m some crazy, weird fan. And it’s all ok. Because I do love Dave. And Carter. And Stefan and Rashawn and Buddy and Jeff and Tim. And I’ve loved them for a long time.

And at the end of the day Dave was right,

All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love

Everyday
Everyday
Oh, everyday